Guest Top 5 - Things that show you are getting old! by Al Westoll

Happy Easter to those that celebrate it, and happy long weekend to those that just enjoy the additional bank holidays. Here's Al Westoll with the final part of his age related trilogy of top fives. As I mentioned Al's band The Phantoms play The Alley Cat Club in Soho on Thursday 18th April. If you fancy a fun night out I'll see you there, come say hi and I might even buy you a beer! THE GIG HAS BEEN CANCELLED BUT WILL HOPEFULLY BE REARRANGED AT SOME POINT SOON.

Top 5 Things that show you are getting old!

Here’s something to warn your younger readers about! Enjoy your youth while you can. All was fine until I hit 40 & then all this lot started happening!...

1. Bladder induced sleep interruptions (& Wind!)

I used to have a bladder like a camel! Now, no matter how much (or little!) I’ve drunk before going to bed I still need to get up at some ungodly hour of the night for a pee! What’s this all about? Annoying but manageable whilst at home, slightly more problematic when camping at Glastonbury ! Whilst on the subject of peeing! At some stage in your life (40 as it turns out) you suddenly can’t do something simple like just have a wee without farting at the same time! Although this point is quite amusing!

2. Moisturiser

As a smooth shiny faced kid it would have been unimaginable to think that in later life you would need to use moisturiser! I mean, that’s the sort of stuff your Nan used! But after many years of sunburn & exposure to the lovely Feltham atmosphere your dry cracked wizened visage simply cant cope without a daily application of E45! By the way, all those cracks on my face are laughter lines, not wrinkles!

3. Hangovers

In your youth you don’t give this a second thought. You can go out on the lash, drink as much as you like & wake up the next morning feeling fresh as a daisy. I got very used to these amazing powers of recovery and so was very surprised one morning after a heavy night in my late 30’s to wake up feeling like someone had hit me over the head with a brick & small mouse had nested in my mouth!

4. Weight & Exercise

Growing up as a kid & then a young adult I never gave any thought to the health or nutritional benefits of anything I ate. I just ate what I liked! Similarly I never bothered with exercise. Well obviously I did but it never seemed like it! Endless hours of football, first in the playground with a tennis ball & then later, a kick around with your mates or a Sunday morning league game running around on a wet, muddy council pitch was fun, not exercise. And then you hit 40. All of a sudden you start to get a little heavier, your six-pack starts to become more of a three-pack and you can now ‘pinch an inch’! So, you are forced to start eating vegetables and going to the gym. How tedious!

5. Your ‘Get Up & Go’ gets up and goes!

I can’t remember the last time I sprung out of bed and skipped to work full of the joys of spring. Nowadays it’s a real chore to drag my sorry aching body out of bed in the mornings and summon up the energy to face yet another day! How is it possible to wake up more tired & knackered than when you went to bed the night before? I thought sleep was meant to be restoratory!

Apparently the current life expectancy of a UK male is 78. Blimey! I’m not sure I can put up with another 36 years of this. What’s around the corner, Piles & Dementia! I’m now starting to think they had a good point in the movie ‘Logan’s Run’ (the bit about knocking it on the head at 30, not wooden acting or Jenny Agutter getting her kit of at every opportunity – although that bit wasn’t all bad!)

Note. I’ve not mentioned anything about hair! For me, going grey is not a sign of getting old as I started doing that when I was 18! I’m sure if Chop was writing this he’d have had to add something about hair loss though! (No idea what you're talking about Al - Ed.)

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