Well I couldn't move on from this topic without taking a peak through my record collection for the worst howlers I own. Having done so I reckon a couple of these could have been contenders for last weeks list.
1. The Beach Boys "Pet Sounds" - This might be a classic album but it's a truly awful cover. Looks like something the art department knocked out at ten to five on a Friday afternoon. This'll do fine, a picture of the band with some animals, perfectly sums up the content and quality of the music contained ... no, wait ... those are farm animals! Ah - it'll do, probably won't sell many anyway.
There's something special about poorly designed album covers. Some great websites if you want to see more, the original Museum of Bad Album Covers is a treasure trove of tat but also check out Cover Browser's Worst Album Cover section. These are my current favourite five though disappointingly I don't own any of them ... yet.
1. Freddie Gage "All My Friends Are Dead" - I would love to have been at the meeting when they decided this was going to be a good cover to go with. Though any artist who is happy to release an album with that sort of title must have serious issues. It's not even a good shade of blue.
2. John Bult "Julie's Sixteenth Birthday" - Wrong on so many levels.
3. Ken "By Request Only" - I seriously doubt it Ken.
4. Millie Jackson "Back to the S--t" - This would have been a good discussion too.
5. The Scorpions "Animal Magnetism" - Kings of the bad cover, check out "Virgin Killer" to see something in really poor taste. This one manages to be poorly executed and offensive at the same time.
Time to move on from Mr Bond. A few of you will be aware that I'm currently trying to listen to all the songs on my iPod in alphabetical order. It's kind of a super shuffle in which I get to hear every single song once. Seemed like a good idea at the time, though I've been doing it since early August and have only just scrapped over the half way mark. Anyway, it's popped up some interesting combinations including a run of songs beginning with the word Little. You can see where I'm heading, yes?
1. Little Johnny Jewell (Television) - Television's debut single (split into parts 1 and 2 on the original 7") didn't even make it on to their seminal debut album. It is on the remastered CD release though, both parts united in a glorious 7 minute re-incarnation.
2. Little Doll (The Stooges) - Primal rock'n'roll from The Stooges at their best. Menacing riff at the start leads into Iggy's laid back but ice cool vocal before breaking down into a raw guitar solo.
3. Little Red Rooster (Howlin' Wolf) - This song ain't about no chicken that's for sure. Written by Willie Dixon and featuring Hubert Sumlin on Guitar this is a Blues classic.
4. Little Animal (The Raveonettes) - Brilliant tune from the Raveonettes first full length album, begins with a fantastic rhyming couplet that always makes me chuckle.
"My girl is a little animal, she always wants to fuck,
I can't find a reason why, I guess it's just my luck"
5. Little Bitch (The Specials) - Hard for me to dislike anything from The Specials debut album and this is no exception. Not their greatest song but a cool slice of two tone ska never the less.
A special mention for The White Stripes who have recorded a "Little" song for every album they've released. That's six songs so far; "Little People", "Little Bird", "Little Room", "Little Acorns", "Little Ghost" & "Little Cream Soda". It's things like this that endear a band to me, though not enough for any of them to make my final top 5.
As requested then, these are my top 5 pre-title sequences - the opening scenes of most Bond movies that usually fit between the gun barrel sequence and the opening titles. My memory for this sort of stuff is pretty shocking, so I've spent a couple of hours trawling through YouTube to remind myself what sequence goes with what film. For a change I've managed to pick a few films that didn't feature Connery as Bond and were made after 1977.
1. The Spy Who Loved Me (Location: Austrian Alps)
This was, I believe, the first Bond film I saw in the cinema. Roger Moore leaves a "lady friend" behind in a alpine cabin to answer a call to return to HQ. Skies off, with a spectacular mountain backdrop, only to be attacked by a group of Russian agents. Despite some ropey effects (Moore clearly in a studio in front of a blue screen) and a worryingly camp yellow ski suit, it's a spectacular start to the film. Ends with Bond skiing over the edge of a massive cliff, heading into free fall before unfurling a parachute emblazoned with the Union Jack.
2. Goldeneye (Location: Chemical Weapons Facility, USSR)
Brosnan's first movie, and the first Bond film for some six years, gets off to a stunning start with this fantastic sequence. An incredible bungee jump off the top of a dam, Bond uses a grapling hook to reach the bottom, then hooks up with 006 to infiltrate and plant explosives inside a Russian weapons factory. They get caught, 006 is shot and 007 is left to attempt an escape on his own. Despite being heavily outnumbered he manages to get out of the facility, rides a motorbike off a cliff before free falling after a light aircraft. Bond manages to board the plane, overpower the pilot and pull the aircraft out of a seemingly terminal nosedive, before flying to freedom as the factory explodes. Somehow I found all this perfectly acceptable despite my dislike of the Moore era. I'm so fickle.
3. Goldfinger (Location: unknown Latin American country)
A more subtle opening but one that displayed many of the devices that would become traditional in later films. Bond swims up to his target, with what looks like a fake duck stuck to his head. Plants explosives in an enemy base, departs, stepping out of his wetsuit to reveal an immaculate white tuxedo. Plenty of close up opportunities on his Rolex Submariner. He arrives at a local bar for a quick drink, during which the bomb goes boom, Bond nips up stairs to see a "lady friend" who is waiting in the bath. Mid kiss he is attacked from behind, but manages to place the girl in the way. Eventually overpowers his attacker, before electrocuting him in the bath with an electric heater. Departs with a witty one liner "Shocking! Truly Shocking!".
4. The World Is Not Enough (Location: Bilbao & London)
Possibly a little on the long side, this is almost a mini-film in it's own right. It's the London scenes that do it for me. Bond talks with Q (Desmond Llewellyn's last performance as Q before his death) in Thames Bank house before smashing out the back in the Q-boat in pursuit of the same assassin he saw in Spain. The chase ends at the Millennium dome with the assassin attempting an escape in a hot-air balloon before taking her own life when it is clear escape is impossible.
5. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (Location: Lisbon)
Lazenby in a new Aston Martin DBS is overtaken by a mystery female in a Mercury Cougar. He spies her walking down a beach towards the sea about to take her own life. Bond races down to pull her out of the ocean only to be pounced on by a couple of armed thugs. Eventually overcomes them only to see the girl, Teresa Di Vincenzo, driving off in his DBS.
I'd originally planned to do five Bond top fives as a build up to the new film release but, as is so often the case when compiling them, I had one more subject I didn't want to leave out. How to fit six into five? I couldn't leave Bond without an opportunity to sing John Barry's praises. So, just one more I thought, but no, Rich from my work football team suggested another topic as well. I couldn't duck away from the challenge so, if my typing fingers are up to it, there should be a second top 5 up later today.
1. The James Bond Theme (Monty Norman, arr. John Barry)
The opening theme for "Dr No" has also become the ubiquitous theme for Bond in every film and I almost thought about removing it from contention. A fantastic instrumental that caused much debate over exactly who wrote it but remains as perfect a theme tune as your likely to hear.
2. Goldfinger (John Barry/Leslie Bricusse/Antony Newley, vocal-Shirley Bassey)Another tune that I nearly considered too obvious to include. I gave it a spin early in the week and realised it's just too good to ignore. Great vocal performance from Bassey.
3. Thunderball (John Barry/Don Black, vocal-Tom Jones)
Despite a bit of a struggle to fit the title of the film into the lyrics this is a fantastic song. Fabulous horns throughout (a sure sign of great production in my book), Tom Jones cranking out the words and a dramatically held last note that supposedly resulted in Jones collapsing to the floor when he'd finished. Superb stuff.
4. We Have All The Time In The World (John Barry/Hal David, vocal-Louis Armstrong) One of my all time favourite songs, the soppy romantic that I am. Not the official theme of the film ("On Her Majesty's Secret Service" was another corking Barry instrumental) but used as the love theme for Bond and Di Vincenzo as well as the closing theme following her death.
5. From Russia With Love (John Barry/Lionel Bart, vocal-Matt Munro)
A nice bit of lounge to lull you into a false sense of security and another wonderful vocal, this time from Matt Munro.
Disclaimer: Other composers have worked on Bond scores. They're just not as good as John Barry!
The new Bond film "Quantum of Solace" goes on general release today. Not sure when I'll get to see it though, these days the only time I go to the cinema it's with a room full of excited children watching the latest release from Pixar or Dreamworks.
1. Goldfinger (Dir. Guy Hamilton, 1964)
The film that defined the template for all those that followed. A super villain with a super plan, a massive laser and two failed attempts to kill Bond, the Aston Martin making it's first appearance, Shirley Eaton painted in gold, Pussy Galore and her all-girl Flying Circus. Ticks all the boxes for me.
2. From Russia With Love (Dir. Terence Young, 1963)
I think this was probably the first Bond film I ever saw which gives it a special place in my heart. Slower paced than any of the films that followed, it possibly captures the atmosphere of the novels better than any other.
3. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (Dir. Peter R. Hunt, 1969)
I might be in a minority here, but I really like OHMSS. I like Lazenby's Bond and there's the added bonus, in Diana Rigg, of a Bond girl who can hold her own with our erstwhile hero. A bit of pathos at the end and that wonderful Louis Armstrong theme tune. Possibly the best ending of any Bond movie.
4. Live and Let Die (Dir. Guy Hamilton, 1973)
I'm not a fan of the Roger Moore era but have good memories of this, his debut Bond. Some dubious attempts to benefit from the Blaxploitation boom aside, "Live and Let Die" has some great action and maintains a pacey plot throughout.
5. Thunderball (Dir. Terence Young, 1965)
So good they made it twice. Decent story line, the return of the Aston and some great underwater scenes. Still not sure about the practicalities of that jet pack though.
You can't beat a good super-villain ... unless your name is Bond. 1. Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Donald Pleasence, You Only Live Twice) - The head of SPECTRE had more opportunities than most to kill off Bond, having some involvement in six of the films. This must make him either the most resilient or the least successful of Bond adversaries. His first film appearances (From Russia With Love & Thunderball) kept his face and identity hidden, revealing only his hands and voice. This added an element of mystery to the character as the unseen controlling influence behind each villainous plot. However, it's Donald Pleasence's performance that brought Blofeld to life and confirmed his status as the greatest of Bond's opponents. 2. Auric Goldfinger (Gert Fröbe, Goldfinger) - With Bond strapped to a table and a massive laser about to slice him in two, 007 asks if Goldfinger expects this to make him to talk. Goldfingers response "No Mr Bond, I expect you to die!" is undoubtedly my favourite quote from any Bond film. The irony is that even in this seemingly helpless situation, Goldfinger still fails to finish Bond off. In the end it's Goldfinger that croaks, getting sucked out of a plane after shooting at Bond and cracking the window. 3. Dr. Julius No (Joseph Wiseman, Dr. No) - Initially comes across as an intelligent and ruthless foe, Dr No is eventually revealed to be a slightly unhinged psychotic nut. Despite several attempts to kill Bond off he never quite succeeds and is eventually killed by boiling to death in the coolant tank of his own nuclear reactor. In the novel he is killed by being buried under a massive heap of guano, the harvesting of which was supposed to provide a legitimate cover for his real activities. 4. Rosa Klebb (Lotte Lenya, From Russia with Love) - Quite possibly the scariest of all Bond's enemies, Klebb is Blofeld's leading agent in From Russia With Love, having formally been a member of SMERSH. In the final scenes of the film, at a point when it seems the action is over, she gains entry to Bond's apartment dressed as a maid to try and recover a cryptographic device. After a brief scuffle she makes an unsuccessful attempt on Bond's life, attempting to kill him with poison tipped spikes in her shoes. 5. Francisco Scaramanga (Christopher Lee, The Man with the Golden Gun) - Three nipples and a gold-plated single-shot pistol constructed from a pen, a lighter, some cuff links and a cigarette case. Scaramanga is a man very much in Bond's mold and proves a tricky foe to dispatch.
Bond's use of gadgetry is evident in the novels but it was in the films that they really came to the fore, becoming one of the key elements of any good Bond film.
1. Aston Martin DB5 (Goldfinger & Thunderball) - I make no apologies for the DB5 winning another category. It's a marvellous car but its the Q-Branch modifications that enable it to claim top gadget; revolving licence plates, tyre slashers that double as spinner hubcaps, a passenger ejector seat, a rear bulletproof shield, forward machine guns concealed behind the headlights, rearward defenses including smoke and oil slick sprayers. All essential items for the late 60's spy on the run in his vintage car.
2. Attaché Case (From Russia With Love) - This might not seem appropriate for the modern spy attempting to operate undercover in a foreign country but in 1963 this was an essential item for the British businessman abroad. Of course Bond's case came equipped with a foldaway AR-7 sniper’s rifle, a knife, 50 gold sovereigns and a canister of teargas primed to explode if it was opened by anyone other than it's owner. Makes an off-screen, and humorous, reappearance in Goldfinger when Bond is told it has been "damaged" whilst being examined by Goldfinger's henchmen.
3. Rolex Oyster Submariner (Live & Let Die) - The Rolex Submariner is worn by Bond in a number of films, but stakes it's claim for gadget glory when it is returned to Bond at the start of "Live & Let Die" after being "repaired" by Q-Branch. The modified watch has a powerful electro-magnet that can (and I'm really not quite convinced about the science of this) deflect bullets and also a spinning bezel which is subsequently used by Bond to free himself from his rope restraints and escape the pool of man-eating sharks.
4. Sony Ericsson Mobile Phone (Tomorrow Never Dies) - Now THIS is a phone that can multi-task. Never mind your mega pixel camera or MP3 player (though it probably has those as well) this phone loads up with a spectacular array of useful tools. A stun gun, a fingerprint scanner, analyzer and transmitter that can also be used for opening high-tech fingerprint-identification locks, and a lock pick. As if that weren't enough it also houses a flip-open remote control for the control of his BMW 750iL. I've got a Sony Ericsson phone, I've not yet worked out how to access these functions.
5. Jet packs (Thunderball)- Thunderball saw the use of two different types of jet pack. The standard variety enables Bond to escape after killing SPECTRE agent Colonel Bouvar. Though slightly ungainly in execution the scene did provide an iconic moment in the film. Later he uses an underwater jet pack, equipped with explosive tipped spear guns as he attempts to capture Largo and fend off his henchmen.
More gadget related information here, here and here.
Bond is back! The new film "Quantum of Solace" is due for release on 31st October which gives me 5 weeks of Bond Top fives to get everyone in the mood. The Times ran their own top ten not that long ago too, check out the link if you're interested.
1. Aston Martin DB5 (Goldfinger, 1964) - This is THE Bond car. It's not the one Fleming used in the books but it's the first car used in the film series and the car I most associate with Bond. Packed full of gadgets including an ejector seat, machine guns and rotating number plates it was the look and style that really won me over. I've still got my Corgi model of it somewhere at home (though I think the man that got fired out of the ejector seat has long gone). It also made appearances in Thunderball (1965), Goldeneye (1995), Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) and Casino Royale (2006), which I think is more than any other car. I could quite easily completed a Top 5 of Aston Martins, they're lovely cars. The Aston Martin DBS used in OHMSS comes a close second for me and the Aston Martin DBS from Casino Royale is just as stunning.
2. Bentley Mark IV (From Russia With Love, 1963) - OK, so it never actually existed as a real car but this was Bond’s car in many of Ian Fleming’s novels. A Derby Bentley was used in it's place for a brief cameo during From Russia With Love and the car was mentioned obliquely during the 2006 version of Casino Royale.
3. Lotus Esprit S1 (The Spy Who Loved Me, 1977) - It's a very eighties design and not the sort of car I'd normally like. All square corners and ugly angular styling. However, once you've seen it turn into a submarine it takes on a whole new aspect. I think this might have been the first Bond film I saw in the cinema and that moment, as the car dives into the sea, is one that has stayed with me ever since. Torpedoes too!
4. Ford Mustang Mach-1 (Diamonds Are Forever, 1971) - This car didn't belong to Bond but a wild chase through the streets of Las Vegas is enough to give me an excuse to get a Mustang in the list. You've gotta love an American muscle car.
5. AMC Hornet X (The Man With The Golden Gun, 1974) - Possibly not the most auspicious car Bond has driven, this gains all it's magic from a fabulous car chase in which Bond, having stolen the Hornet from a car dealership and with Sheriff J.W. Pepper alongside for "comic" interjection, pursues Scaramanga who has agent Goodnight locked in his boot. It's a great car chase, and the Hornet earns it's place with a spectacular corkscrew jump over the river. Scaramanga is also driving an AMC car, a Matador which also gains more kudos than it might otherwise achieve by transforming into a plane. Who wouldn't want a car like that? On a side note in trying to find out what cars these were I stumbled across this site which has a fairly damning description of AMC cars in general and a nice picture of a Matador.
