Top 5 Ronnie James Dio Albums

Sad news the other week to hear about the passing of Metal legend Ronnie James Dio. He had an incredible career spanning six decades, appearing on his first seven inch in 1957, and releasing albums with a roll call of classic rock bands. Elf, Rainbow, Black Sabbath, Dio and then back round for a series of reunions before his most recent releases with the RJD-era Sabbath line-up as Heaven & Hell.

I only saw him play live twice, both times with Dio. A 1987 headline show at Hammersmith Odeon was one of the most unintentionally funny gigs I've been to. In support of the band's fourth (and probably worst) album, and at a time when traditional Metal was on the wane, Ronnie managed to squeeze almost as many Metal cliches into the 90 minute set as Spinal Tap. The crowning glory saw a giant metal spider descend from the ceiling as the lead guitarist fired laser beams at it from the end of his strat. Despite that I've nothing but fond memories for Dio's best work and incredible vocals. Rest in peace Ronnie and keep on rocking.

1. "Holy Diver" Dio

2. "Rainbow Rising" Rainbow

3. "Heaven & Hell" Black Sabbath

4. "The Last In Line" Dio

5. "Trying To Burn The Sun" Elf

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Top 5 Songs about Nothing

I went to the Garage last night to see the fantastic Japandroids for the second time this year. Their album is called "Post Nothing" so I've compiled this fine collection of popular songs that feature the word nothing in the title to celebrate their brilliance.

1. "All Or Nothing" Small Faces



2. "Nothing Is Easy" Jethro Tull



3. "NothingMan" Pearl Jam



4. "Nothing At All" I.Q.
(NB: I couldn't find a video of this so here's "Human Nature" from the same album. Er, it's prog rock and ten minutes long. Thought I'd mention that now in case you're adverse to that sort of thing.)



5. "Nothing Else Matters" Metallica



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Top 5 Football Superstitions (that failed to help Fulham win the Europa League)

This would have been a more upbeat post had Fulham won in Hamburg last night. I'm still absolutely gutted we didn't but I'm starting to accept that it was still a brilliant day and a massive achievement.

1. A bet on the opposing team - I've been doing this in the domestic cups for a while now (actually ever since I didn't place a bet on Leyton Orient beating us in the FA Cup which they managed 1-0) and like to think I've helped us avoid some embarrasing slip ups against the likes of Kettering and Accrington Stanley. Fulham's progress in the Europa league has cost me a small fortune but was worth every penny. I might not bother collecting the winnings from this game.

2. Wearing my lucky socks - Back in the nineties when Mickey Adams was just starting to create a buzz at the club I discovered a pair of lucky boxer shorts. They were yellow, which isn't a colour I'd normally choose but had a remarkably long run as lucky totems. When I got a pair of yellow socks last year I couldn't help but wonder if they held the same magic. They did and I've worn them to games ever since.

3. Dad touching the boot of Johnny Haynes - Dad didn't come to Hamburg and even if he had we'd have needed to make an awkward detour to fit this one in. It's done us proud at home though but doesn't have a 100% success rate.

4. Wearing my lucky replica top - I don't buy a top every year but I got this personalised one from a mate for my 40th and it's been a very lucky shirt ever since. Then again I wore my unlucky "Steve Marlet" shirt (the black adidas one) to the recent West Ham game and we won that 3-2.

5. Going in through my lucky turnstile - Somewhere during our epic 63 game season I started to feel drawn to a particular turnstile. We'd been going in roughly the same place for quite a while but now Number 38 (slightly to the right of the picture below) is the only entrance I'll use.

Photo (c) John Hall

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Top 5 Flightless Birds

Something short and easy this week. A nod for the inspiration to Philip Ardagh's book of Absolutely Useless Lists. My eldest got it for Christmas and it's been a bit of a toilet reading hit for the whole family. Which might be more information than you really wanted.

1. Kakapo - Ground dwelling, critically endangered, New Zealand parrot. Numbers dropped to something around 50 in the late 80s and early 90s but conservation efforts have seen a gradual increase in numbers (120+ now).

2. Rockhopper Penguin - Penguins as a species are cool, and the Rockhopper the coolest of all. With it's bleach blond crested head the Rockhopper couldn't look more like a surfer without learning to drive a VW camper van.

3. Inaccessible Island Rail - Brilliantly named and smallest existing flightless bird. Another NZ inhabitant. Most other flightless Rails are now extinct but the Inaccessibleness of Inaccessible Island on which the Inaccessible Island Rail lives explains why this species has survived.

4. Kiwi - National symbol of New Zealand. Shy and nocturnal bird with five species that are all endangered to some degree.

5. Galapagos Cormorant - The only flightless Cormorant in the world. Benefits from the isolation of the Galapagos Isles but remains an endangered species.

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Top 5 Fictional Bears

Not quite sure where this topic came from other than an ongoing need to wallow in childhood nostalgia and a desire to talk about Paddington. Lots of bears that didn't make the cut, including Biffo from The Beano (who frankly scared me), Sooty from "The Sooty & Sweep Show" (who was never as cool as his co-star) and George the Hofmeister bear (who was unfortunate with his product choice). I also considered the Hair Bear Bunch (Hair Bear, Bubi Bear & Square Bear) but it didn't seem fair to include them as a group and I couldn't seperate them as individuals.

1. Paddington Bear - I first became familiar with Paddington through the BBC television series created by Ivor Wood and narrated by Michael Hordern. The five minute episodes were wonderfully animated, a stop motion Paddington puppet interacting with two dimensional backgrounds and characters. Later I read the Michael Bond books and enjoyed the stories all the more. It's possible that I identify more with Paddington than any other literary character. I have a "Paddington" stare that I reserve for those people that have unwittingly annoyed me. I like few things more than having a nice cup of tea and a piece of cake during a quiet afternoon at home. And, of course, I love marmalade. If I wore a big enough hat I would definitely keep a marmalade sandwich under it "in case of emergencies".

2. Whinnie-the-Pooh - Just to be clear, I'm talking the E.H. Shepard version here not the technicolour Disney version. A.A. Milne's two books about Pooh along with his children's poetry collections ("When We Were Very Young" and "Now We Are Six") were some of the very first books I remember being read. Pooh and his friends remain a source of great wisdom.

3. Iorek Byrnison - Iorek Byrnison is an armoured polar bear. I really don't think I need to say anything more. A character from Philip Pullman's brilliant His Dark Materials trilogy (which reads like Tolkien without the long boring bits). Having being rescued from enslavement, Iorek becomes lead character Lyra's friend and protector.

An armoured, polar, bear. Yup.

4. Fozzie Bear - My fifth favourite Muppet becomes my fourth favourite bear.

5. Yogi Bear - I can remember watching Yogi from quite an early age and the show is irrevocably linked with our first colour television. My parents had always hired televisions (and in fact, until very recently they still did) from Radio Rentals. Every 5 years or so we'd have the excitement of a trip to the shop to pick out the new set. Our very first colour TV was made by Baird, which I learnt were named after the inventor of the first working television, John Logie Baird. I naturally assumed that Yogi Bear was a clever word play in honour of the Scottish inventor. Baseball wasn't very popular in Surrey in the seventies.

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Top 5 Wacky Racers

Sticking with the Hanna-Barbera tack and another childhood favourite, the wonderful Wacky Races. Much like Top Cat I grew up watching this, and despite there being a mere 17 episodes made (34 races), still enjoy it today.

1. Dick Dastardly and Muttley (in car 00 the Mean Machine)

2. The Ant Hill Mob (in car 7 the Bulletproof Bomb)

3. Professor Pat Pending (in car 3 the Convert-a-Car)

4. The Gruesome Twosome (in car 2 the Creepy Coupe)

5. Penelope Pitstop (in car 5 the Compact Pussycat)

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Top 5 Top Cat characters

Top Cat was one of my favourite childhood cartoons. A mere 30 episodes were produced, between Sept '61 and April '62, yet it made a huge impression on me. Last December Arnold Stang, the American character actor who provided the voice of Top Cat, died at the ripe old age of 91. This is a tribute to Arnold's magic tones.

1. Benny The Ball

2. Top Cat

3. Officer Dibble

4. Brain

5. Choo-Choo

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Top 5 Storm Thorgerson Album Covers

Storm Thorgerson has a free exhibition of his artwork running at the Idea Generation Gallery (no, me neither) until 2nd May 2010. The BBC have this neat audio slideshow showing some of his work and it got me thinking about my favourite Thorgerson album covers. It's hard to ignore his work for Floyd so this week there's two top fives for the price of one. Well more like one and a half but it was impossible for me not to complete my top five Pink Floyd covers as well.

1. Pink Floyd "Animals" (1977) - Whilst "Atom Heart Mother" and "Dark Side of the Moon" are probably the most iconic covers Storm produced there's something special about this picture of Battersea Power Station. I think it was an image familiar to me due to trips to London on the train. The flying pig adds a sense of the surreal despite being quite small. The story that the inflatable they used broke free and caused air traffic chaos before eventually coming down in a Kent farm makes it all the better.

2. Peter Gabriel - "Peter Gabriel" (1977) - I love this photo of a Lancia Flavia, supposedly Storm's own. Really sharp picture that contrasts with the blurred vision of Peter Gabriel apparently slumped in the passenger seat. Taken in black and white and then hand coloured by Richard Manning. Manning, a freelance artist who was working for Hipgnosis, also hand scrapped the highlights for each raindrop with a scalpel. Dedication.

3. Pink Floyd "Wish You Were Here" (1975) - As with much of Thorgerson's best work it's simple but effective. The man on fire was actually on fire when the photo was taken. Wearing an aspestos suit and wig and covered in lighter fluid.

4. Muse "Absolution" (2003) - I really don't like Muse very much at all but this album cover was enough to make me stop and reconsider for a moment. In the end I concured that I was right, Muse remain crap but still, great cover.

5. The Cranberries "Wake Up and Smell The Coffee" (2001) - I've not even heard this album. By the time it came out The Cranberries were well off my radar. I love the cover though, it's reminiscent of an early Thorgersen cover ("Elegy" by The Nice) but I think it works better. I also like the fact that Storm appears to have considered the band's name and decided he'd just do a cover with a bunch of giant cranberries on it.

And then the rest of my favourite Pink Floyd covers.

3. Pink Floyd "Umma Gumma" (1969) - The album, bar a few moments of genius, is absolutely awful but I love the picture within a picture cover. A concept Storm used again for Floyd's "Echoes" best of set.

4. Pink Floyd "The Dark Side Of The Moon" (1973) - Familiarity probably breeds contempt. This must have been a spectacularly inovative idea when it was first released, but is so familiar to me now I probably don't give it the status it deserves. I can remember a teacher at junior school (I guess I'd have been about 10) showing us this and the cover to "Animals" as examples of great commercial art. I can't remember what we were then supposed to go and do, though oddly I think it had something to do with papier mache.

5. Pink Floyd "Saucerful of Secrets" (1968) - Quite different from the other covers. At first it seems a bit of a mess but the more you look at it the more you find. It's possibly the definition of a 60's psychedelic cover.

Not everything Storm produced was brilliant though. His work for The Scorpions made both my lists of bad album covers here and here.

Top 5 Songs of 2009

Bit short of spare time this week so I'll wrap up my review of last year with few words and a link so you can decide for yourselves. There's no video, just the songs.

1. Bill Callahan "Eid Ma Clack Shaw"



2. La Roux "Bulletproof"



3. Wilco "Bull Black Nova"



4. Idlewild "Readers & Writers"



5. Japandroids "Young Hearts Spark Free"

Top 5 Quotes from The Simpsons

This week was going to be my Top 5 movies of 2009 but there were some major contenders I hadn't got round to seeing yet (The Damned United, Watchmen and Inglorious Basterds to name just three) so I figured I'd leave that for another day. To tide you over here's a double dose of my favourite Simpson's quotes to celebrate 20 years of the little yellow critters.

Top 5 Homer Simpson Quotes

1. "Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems."

2. "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

3. "You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."

4. "Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?"

5. "How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course, and I forgot how to drive?"

Top 5 quotes from other Simpsons characters

1. Lionel Hutz: "This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”"

2. Sideshow Bob: "Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?"

3. Ned Flanders: "I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!"

4. Comic Book Guy: "But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life."

5. Krusty the Clown: "And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold."