Guest Top 5 70s Choppers (Chop Will Eat Itself) by Dan Whaley

It's been a while since I last published a guest top five so what better way to kick of a run of new ones that with the return of my very first guest contributer Dan Whaley. Dan is a multi-instrumentalist who has played in a myriad of bands, including The Charles Napiers, The McDeath Trio and most recently The DC3. He previously provided this gem about his top five dutch artists and responded to my persistent badgering with a topic that could not be more appropriate and which I'm at a loss to explain why I'd never considered doing myself.

1) The Raleigh Chopper

For anyone who was a kiddy growing up in the 70s, this was the bike to aspire to. This despite the fact that it was a hog to ride – heavy as you like, with a very real risk of impaling your knackers on the low down gear lever, especially if you were giving a mate a “backie”. About 10 years ago Raleigh launched a new “safer” version, which like pretty much all remakes (e.g. BMW’s Mini, Stallone’s Get Carter, etc) was a bag of shite compared to the original.

2) Ron “Chopper” Harris

The reason why anyone with the surname Harris is called Chopper. Back when I gave a monkey’s about football, Chelsea was the team I supported. For me, he summons up a time when football was about genuine blokes playing proper sport, not the dog and pony show it has descended into today. But maybe I’m just an old git.

3) Bell Jet Ranger Helicopter

It seems that this make and model of chopper featured in just about every film and TV programme in the 70s. If I think of a helicopter, this is exactly the model that comes to mind. Not that I spend much time thinking about helicopters, mind...

4) Ron Jeremy

As 70s grumbleflick actors go, he’s perhaps not as well known as John Holmes, but Ron always seemed to approach his work with more humour, gusto and enthusiasm than JH. Plus he’s still alive and still going strong. And why is he in a list of 70s choppers? Because a) he wields a not unimpressive 9¾ inch long hog’s leg and b), his party trick involves rolling himself up into a ball and giving himself a 34-and-a-halfer. Chop will indeed eat itself...

5) The Guillotine

Last used in France as late as the 1977, unbelievably. The final victim of the guillotine was a chap by the name of Hamida Djandoubi. Actually, he sounded like an absolute bounder, so probably deserved it.

Guest Top 5: Dan Whaley's Top 5 Dutch Artists

One of my New Year resolutions was to spend less time on the PC. That means getting a weekly top five out is going to be a little harder. So, as a way to fill in the gaps and also freshen up the blog a bit I thought I'd invite a few friends (and top five followers) to contribute the occasional guest top five. There's an open invite in fact. If you read the blog and fancy sharing your own top five (the more obscure the better) drop me a line and let me know. Also if you have you own opinion about any of the top fives I've published feel free to share this with me via the comments.

The inaugral guest top five is a suitably provided by the person who is largely responsible for me "coming out" as a listaholic. Dan Whaley was one of the founding members of the Charles Napiers (my favourite Mondo Wray instrumental band) and currently plays guitar, bass or ukelele in at least six different bands. As co-ordinator of the PRS focus group he gave me my first break in competitive top fiving. Here's Dan's list of favourite Dutch artists.

1) Piet Mondriaan

It was the Mondriaan-styled drumkit and shirt Alec Palao bashed and sported in The Sting Rays that first introduced me to this fantastic artist. His series of black line/primary colour square paintings from the 1920s are so incredibly visually powerful (and years ahead of their time). When I lived in Amsterdam, there was a Mondriaan-styled houseboat moored round the corner from my flat - Really, who wouldn't want to live in this?

2) M.C. Escher

As a child I used to spend most of December recreating this Escher self portrait with a bauble.

3) Theo van Doesburg

Not a million miles from Mondriaan...

4) Hieronymus Bosch

"You can take them flowers and shove 'em up your arse"

5) Herman Brood

Not that I knew it at the time, but apparently the night before Brood committed suicide he was sitting next to me and my mate Pete in a bar in Amsterdam. Could our inane conversation have been the last straw that led to him jumping off the roof of the Hilton? I do sincerely hope not.