Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Guest Top 5 - My Top five ideas for Chop’s Top Fives that so far haven’t made the cut by 5olly

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Not content with wasting my own life by formulating top fives at every opportunity it seems I've started to spread the addiction. I can only apologise.

Here's 5olly again with his continuing efforts to post a proper top five (originally posted here).

A recent addition to my already overwhelmed RSS feed and Twitter stream, Chop’s Top Fives has suddenly and puzzlingly ruined my stream of consciousness. Possibly for good… The blog is pretty much a basic idea, it’s simply write a Top 5 list. Easy! I hear you cry! Except it’s not, you can write about anything, absolutely anything, but what should I write about?

I’ve turned into a complete list addict. To compound it all Chop (or Dave Harris as he is more commonly known) has actually already added a Top 5 created by myself, and invited me to do some more, which I find utterly bemusing. If you read my post, there are grammatical errors, it doesn’t ‘read well’, and it’s basically the result of writing in a hurry, whilst hungover and wishing for a cup of tea and ciggie. All of this is mentioned, but possibly not clearly enough. I’m embarrassed by it, which makes me only want to do some more, only this time I’d like to do it proper like, you know?

Which leads on to my next problem. What on earth should I write about? I want each post to be informative, interesting and hopefully funny. And as some of my friends know, there have been several discussions in various public houses for topics and here are the Top 5 list which for some reason don’t quite cut it in my opinion. I should add that they might not necessarily be my own. Or any good.

1. Top 5 people I know or have met called Dave Harris

Obviously this one was never going to work, mainly cos I’ve only ever known 3 different people called Dave Harris, which is a crying shame as I had a marvellous story about a Dave Harris at work who had a cat he wanted me to have called Comet. He also collected meteorites and had a funny voice.

2. Top 5 diseases

This one was going to be a winner when it was discussed in the pub. Mainly because we had an actual real live doctor in our group! I remember coming up with Ebola but all the other diseases that were discussed have disappeared from my mind. I blame booze. If anyone can remember what they all were then leave a comment.

3. Top 5 male celebrities who wore hair-pieces

I don’t remember why this popped into my head, but it did make for an enjoyable walk into work. I originally proposed it to be just British celebrities and drew up a list. Paul Daniels, Bruce Forsyth, Elton John and Terry Wogan. I needed a 5th one! After a brief discussion in the office it was brought to my attention that Terry Wogan wasn’t British and Elton John has always claimed that he had a hair transplant and never wore a wig to disguise his baldness. Damn. So I had 3.

I decided then that I might go for an international cast. Who could I add? Andre Agassi of course! He might possibly be one of the most successful wig wearers ever! Not only did he hide the fact for years, he did it with quite possibly the most outlandish mullet in sports history, and he even sprinted and dived around a tennis court at the same time. The man was a genius. How about Phil Spector! That man had some amazing wigs, but after a little googling I found out to my dismay that he wore wigs to disguise some massive scarring he received after a car crash. He wasn’t wearing wigs for vanity. It wasn’t funny anymore. The idea was scrapped.

4. Top 5 vegetables I am growing

Easy this one. Not. I started thinking about all the different beans I’ve been growing, the potatoes and the onions and shallots. The curcurbits are going mental and the corn is starting to grow ears. The radishes are forming seed pods to pickle and the cabbages are hearting up nicely. But hang on, I haven’t eaten any yet. How could I do a Top 5 without actually eating them? I could do spinach, but that just tastes like spinach. I could do blackberries but then I haven’t really done anything to grow them, they just grow wild up there. So no I’m unable to do this one yet, maybe in the autumn.

5. Top 5 songs I have had stuck in my head this week

I thought this one would be a doddle. All I had to do was make a note of every song after I realised it was stuck in my head and then write about my favourite ones. Easy. Except I don’t think I had an earworm this week at all. There was the one about the chicken, but that’s always stuck in my head…

So there you have it, another failure in the world of Chop’s Top Fives!

1 comment:

5olly said...

whoops, I was supposed to submit it.. feel free to cut and paste it!