Top 5 Albums by R.E.M.

Last week saw the sad, though slightly overdue, news that R.E.M. have called it a day. They certainly seemed to lose something when Bill Berry left the group, though by that point they had already surpassed most other groups with the quantity of very fine albums they'd released. My first thought on hearing the news was how long would it be before they get back together for the re-union tour. Inevitabilities of the music industry aside, R.E.M. have contributed massively to indie-rock over the last 25 years and deserve huge respect for their consistency and longevity.

1. Document (1987) - The band's final independently released album and the tipping point between their early "college rock" success and the subsequent multi-million selling stadium filling era. Some of their best songs are included ("Finest Worksong", "It's the End of the World as We Know It" & "The One I love") mixed with a few quirky numbers and a great cover of Wire's "Strange".

2. Out Of Time (1991) - This was my R.E.M. point of entry and sound-tracked my summer that year, I played it a lot and it's one of those albums I will always have a soft spot for. My musical interests had previously been more heavy rock based, so whilst I was aware of the band I hadn't really shown much interest. However, by the early nineties I was broadening my musical horizons and this caught the mood of the time perfectly. An uncharacteristically chirpy album that saw the band having fun with additional musicians and guest vocalists.

3. Murmur (1983) - The first album and one that created their reputation for introverted tunes and difficult to decipher lyrics. The vocals are indeed quite low in the mix but this is still a fine album with many of the bands best songs. "Radio Free Europe" is a jaunty opener and the bands debut release. "Perfect Circle" was not a single but remains one of the bands very best songs and one of my favourites.

4. Automatic For The People (1992) - There's something about the unrelenting greyness of the cover that has always depressed me and, unlike "Out Of Time", it's huge popularity has probably contributed to lowering my love for it. I think it's the band's biggest selling album, providing them with six singles that will be familiar to anyone with even a passing interest in the band. Some of those songs have suffered (to my ears) from being overplayed. I'm not sure I ever need to hear "Everybody Hurts" again. But, replaying the album in preparation for this top five I realised how good it is. "Drive", "Find The River", "Ignoreland" and "Man on the Moon" are all wonderful tunes whilst "Nightswimming" is a beautifully delicate song that only features Stipe's vocals and Mills' piano motif.

5. Reckoning (1984) - A surprise final entry but when I played it again I realised how many of my favourite R.E.M. songs are on this album. I never felt quite the same attachment to "Fables Of The Reconstruction" or "Lifes Rich Pageant" and though I like "Green" and "Monster" this album edges them all out. "Reckoning" was their second full length release and has a brighter/crisper sound than "Murmur". The singles "So. Central Rain" and "(Don't go back to) Rockville" are both great songs and "Pretty Persuasion" is a more upbeat rocking number that may well feature highly in next weeks Top Five Singles by R.E.M.

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Top 5 Bands named after fabric

A quick topic this week for no particular reason other than it made me happy. I was listening to Marc Riley a few weeks back and he played Corduroy's cover of Motorhead by Motorhead. I think it's a great name and it got my mind thinking.

1. Denim - Nineties Glam Rock revivalists formed by Lawrence from Felt.

2. Suede - Bowie influenced Brit-Pop upstarts.

3. Felt - Eighties Indie band who released 10 albums & 10 singles in 10 years. Led by Lawrence from Denim.

4. The Chiffons - All girl vocal group from the early sixties.

5. Corduroy - Nineties acid-jazz quartet.

Thanks to those of you on Twitter that helped me find a few more.

Black Lace - Novelty euro-pop horrors.
Cotton Mather - Indie rock outfit from Austin, Texas.
Denim - American party rock band from the early seventies
Nylon - Apparently Iceland's most successful, singer/songwriter girl-band.
The Nylons - Canadian a capella group
Poly-Esther - Possibly just a 5olly joke but I did find a brief mention of a Canadian band with this name. (UPDATE: It wasn't a joke he meant this band The Polly Esthers, check 'em out and let me know what you think)
Silk - American R&B group from Atlanta, Georgia
Cheryl Tweedy - Maiden name of former Girls Aloud singer
Wool - melodic punk-rock band from Washington D.C.

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Guest Top 5 - Grateful Dead years by Richard Allen

A second guest top five from Richard who is now a "proper published author" as well as continuing to write about Fulham at Craven Cottage Newsround. In fact not only is he a published author but also an Amazon Best Selling author! The book is a nostalgic look at a century of Fulham Football Club as is published, appropriately enough, by Haynes. If you're a Fulham fan you should definitely buy it - it's less than a tenner on Amazon.

Having got to know Richard through Fulham we have also discovered similar interests in fiction (his previous top five was an excellent summation of Raymond Chandler novels) and music. I've never really "got" the Grateful Dead. They have a massive back catalogue and like many bands with a long history it's easy to be put off by making a poor decision early on. I bought the fairly awful live album "Dylan & The Dead" and never went back. This top five seems like the perfect place to start again.

Pull up a chair. I’ve got about an hour of the greatest music you’ll ever hear.

You maybe couldn’t do this Top 5 about any other band. Best year? Who knows? But the Grateful Dead are different, in lots of ways.

The Dead, bankrolled and maintained by Owsley “Bear” Stanley, started to record their shows well in about 1968. Stanley, who had become famous as one of San Francisco’s leading LSD manufacturers, also had some mighty ideas about sound equipment, including the need to record performances. So their gigs – which were often very long and very strange – were committed to tape, and from ’68 to 1995 a good (and growing) proportion of their shows can still be heard.

So what? Why would anyone be interested in this? Well I don’t know. On the one hand, imagine if you could hear your favourite song 50 different ways? Fast versions, slow versions, long versions, short versions, isolated versions, versions in the middle of jams. That’s all possible with the Dead.

But more than that, it’s wonderful to be able to hear the band evolve from a psychedelic blues-rock band in the sixties… well then we get country influences in the early seventies, juggernautism in the late seventies, some… ordinariness in the eighties, and a brief but wonderful resurgence in about 89. It’s all there, it can all be listened to , and most of it’s great. My ipod is full, and contains little else.

On we go then. My top five Grateful Dead years:

1. 1977 - Peak Dead. They’d been going long enough that they’d evolved tremendously, but not too long that they were jaded. Check that: they were jaded – they took most of 1976 off – but this only gave ’77 more freshness. The stretch in May is unparalellable, with the show at Barton Hall, Cornell University on the 8th particularly famous.

Why? I talked about the live music, right? Well until Jerry Garcia died much of this was kept in the Dead’s vault, and was only available through leaked soundboard recordings or audience tapes. (Fans were encouraged to tape the performances, thanks to a mixture of apathy on the band’s part and probably a sneaking suspicion that this all helped get the word out – a masterstroke, in retrospect).
Anyway, there were various circles of tape collecting, and if you knew the right people you might get the good stuff, if you didn’t you’d be stuck around the edges with a dodgy audience recording of a show nobody liked.

One show – a brilliant quality soundboard - worked its way to everyone though: Cornell University, Barton Hall, 8/5/1977. It might not be the best Dead show but it’s the best Dead show most people had on tape, and so became something of a gold standard.

Rightly so. The band had it all in May ’77, and in recent years two of the best live albums they’ve put out have come from that one, glorious month. This is fantastic music, absolutely mind blowing.

Sample: Morning Dew from the above show. Listen to this and tell me that the last few minutes aren’t the most extraordinary music there’s ever been.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsKOXDUh2Y0



2. 1969 - Alright, this is probably the best year, but marked down slightly because I have so much love for ’77.

Around 69 and 70 the Dead had the best of both worlds, their raw sixties glory and the LSD soaked improvisations combining to magisterial effect. It led to some music that really was, to coin a phrase, far out.
This is Dark Star. This is what they’re famous for. This is music for acid. This is everything...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAAlpIB6ico&feature=fvst



(Check out the album Live/Dead if you liked this – taken from a run of shows in ’69)

3. 1968 - In ’68 the band were so raw, so deliciously raw. There’s a wonderful ragged edge to the music. Tapes from ’68 are – if the quality’s okay – always a joy. The band had a smaller repertoire, but absolutely nailed it every show. Or that’s how it seems to me anyway.

Here’s Viola Lee Blues from 1968. Tell me you wouldn’t want this playing in the background of the film of your life...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Dhe5vtS4Pg



It’s amazing. I have a couple of 20 minute versions of this and they do it every time I hear them. Oooooooh.

4. 1989 - If you’re still with me you might be wondering what I have up my sleeve next. Well!

This is 1989. The 80s were pretty crap for the Dead. Heroin, Jerry Garcia’s coma, plodding and uninspiring music. Then post-coma we get a resurgence. It took until 1989 to hit another peak, and by now the boys were on fire again. The clip I have below is from a show they played as “Formerly the Warlocks” in a bid to escape the crowds, and showcases the band’s awesomeness rather nicely. We get vocal tracks from Garcia, Bob Weir’s in there too, but the star is Brent Mydland, the band’s third (fourth? Who am I forgetting?)keyboardist. His vocals grab the hairs on the back of your neck on their own. Wowzers.

Garcia’s soloing in here is also something else. There’s an eighties feel to it, for sure, but it’s unmistakeably him and unmistakeably amazing. (Check the run from about four minutes for some great guitar work and some top growling from Mydland).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sts6I101jpo



This was a third peak, in my mind, and the fall would be swift. Garcia never did control himself or his drug habit, Mydland died of an overdose in 1990, and after that they bumbled along to bring in the much needed cash, but playing big, soulless venues to fans who in some cases didn’t get the band at all. Dispiriting stuff.

5. 1974 - Bob Weir, the Dead’s second guitarist, once infuriated producer Dave Hassinger for asking for the music to sound like it was being played through ‘heavy air’. This was taken by some as evidence of Weir and the band’s insanity, or their being hard to work with, or something or other, but what Weir was after was that delicious sound you get in outdoor venues in the summertime.

The Dead cracked this with the Wall of Sound, which was exactly what it sounds like: a gigantic wall of amps that created a massive, massive sound, but a sound which was as clean as a whistle.

The problem was that the wall was so huge they needed three of them: one for the current venue, one traveling ahead to the next, one being taken down from the previous venue! The band also needed extra crew to handle all this, and the costs started to become a problem, leading to endless tours in increasingly large venues, and ultimately to burnout and a year off (1976). They took the wall apart and sold it off bit by bit.

But while it was going… wow. The 1977 sound was very polished, driven, exciting. ’74 is very different, holding onto the early 70s experimentalism, but somehow combining a laid back air with something very hard to explain.

That sound (from Wikipedia):

The Wall of Sound consisted of 89 300-watt solid-state and three 350-watt vacuum tube amplifiers generating a total of 26,400 watts of audio power. This system projected high quality playback at six hundred feet with an acceptable sound projected for a quarter mile, at which point wind interference degraded it.

It was way ahead of its time and led to some classic Dead shows.

Sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlTzzsjF6s8



An absolutely wonderful Brokedown Palace from Dijon, France, in 1974. Hear that sound about three and a half minutes… so clean, beautiful.

Guest Top 5 - Real Ales brewed In London by SW6Badger

I started following SW6Badger on Twitter because he was a Fulham fan. I don't follow all Fulham fans on there but he had a nice icon with dancing badgers that appealed. I soon realised that not only was he a Fulham fan but he was also a fan of real ale. This is a good thing. I have recently also returned to drinking real ale as is befitting a man with a beard in his mid-forties. I suspect SW6Badger is a little younger than me but he clearly knows his beer. This is handy as my knowledge is a bit limited and handicapped by the fact that whenever I go out to "research" the subject I struggle to remember many of the details. Over to Mr Badger ...

This is the first time I have ever written a top 5 about beer, or any subject for that matter.

So let me introduce myself. I originally come from South West London now; I live in South East London. I used to be a lager drinker but about ten years ago I switched to “Real Ale”.

One day I walked in to a pub in Putney and thought why I am always drinking, Stella, Fosters etc.? Then it hit me! We live in a country that produces dome great beer. In fact I live in a city with a great brewing history. Why drink fizzy tasteless imported rubbish when we have so much choice in our on back yard?

I am not saying all beer from Europe, the U.S and others are rubbish. Some of my favourite beer comes from outside the U.K. So here are my personal top 5 ales from London.

1. Naked Ladies - 4.4% (Twickenham Fine Ales)
Twickenham Fine Ales started in 2004 and is one of the many new breweries that we now have in London. Yes the name is Naked Ladies. Do take the name with a pinch of salt. The name refers to the water nymphs statues that reside in the grounds of York House in Twickenham. This ale for me is everything that I want ale to be. It has a great aroma and golden colour. When you drink it, the hops really send your taste buds alight. It is refreshing with a satisfying finish.

2. London Gold – 4.9% (Twickenham Fine Ales)
Twickenham makes the list again. This one I tried for the first time a few weeks ago at a beer festival. After one half I was hooked. I kept coming back for more. What I can say if the London Olympics did have an ale event, this might just clinch gold. This ale is big on hops and brewed with a few different types. Again it is golden ale that goes down very well. London Gold is occasional ale, so not always available.

3. Wandle Ale – 3.8% (Sambrook’s Brewery)
Sambrook’s started in 2008 in Battersea. These guys have gained a loyal following and I am one of them. This ale is names after the near by river Wandle. This is a great session beer. By that I mean a beer suitable for a few hours down the pub. The golden colour and balanced taste make this a popular brew. One to try on your lager drinking friends.

4. London Pride – 4.1% (Fuller’s)
It is an oldie but a firm London favourite. Fuller’s have been brewing in Chiswick since 1845. So they should know a thing or to about beer. A beer I have drunk more times than I can remember. Especially prior to a Fulham match. This ale has everything a well-balanced beer should have. A malty base with a hoppy finish. One thing I have noticed on my travels around London. To try this beer at its best I would always drink it in a Fuller’s pub. They always know how to keep in top condition

5. Spring-Heeled Jack – 4.0% (Ha’penny Brewing Co)
My last beer is a London Porter. Ha’penny started in 2009 in Ilford. This one is a bit hard to find. So if you spot it this winter, try it before it’s gone for another year. Being a porter it is a dark beer with a rich black colour. This beer has a great coffee/chocolate taste and great for cold nights in the pub by the fire.Don’t mistake porter for stout. They may look similar but are not the same!

A Top 5 for London ales is almost impossible as the London brewers are always brewing new beers. This is just a small sample of what is out there. London is now an exciting place for beer and new brewers are starting up all over our great city. So give them a try.

Other breweries in London. – Kernel, Brodie’s, Redemption, Meantime, Camden Town, London Fields, Redchurch, ELB.

Brew pubs in London – Brew Wharf, The Florence, and Zerodegrees.

Sorry Young’s, moving to Bedford has now ruled you out as a London brewer.

That’s it from me. Hope you enjoyed it.

Top 5 Snow globes (I have owned)

It probably won't entirely surprise you if I admit to the fact that I used to own a small snow globe collection. This wasn't entirely my fault. I'd worked alongside an American contractor for a year and we got on and kept in touch after he returned home. I'd also spent several weeks working in St. Louis and one of the mementos of that trip was a snow globe of the Gateway Arch. The Christmas after my friend repatriated I received a package from an unknown sender that included a snow globe from London. That began a period of several years in which I would randomly receive packages containing snow globes from various locations throughout the US; Washington, Memphis, Myrtle Beach and all points between.

Having recently reminded my self about this I went to look for them only to realise I had uncharacteristically thrown them all out. That means some of the pictures aren't identical but the nearest match I could find on the Internet. If you fancy starting your own collection this site seems to be the mother lode.

1. St. Louis - So this was the snow globe that started it all. The water in the one I bought myself went a muddy colour after a year or so but I felt this accurately reflected the state of the Mississippi that runs through the town. Later I received a second identical globe in one of my random packages.

2. Guinness - A trip to Dublin for a stag do in the late nineties gave me the opportunity to pick up something very similar to the one in the picture below. Mine had proper white snow instead of shamrocks and created the most realistic snow storm I have ever seen in a plastic souvenir.

3. Loch Ness - Another colleague brought this in to me with the words "I thought you'd like this to add to your snow globe collection". I answered "I don't have a snow globe collection, I just get sent them occasionally from an old friend". She stared briefly at me, then looked at the growing numbers of snow globes that adorned my desk, raised her eyebrows and left the room.

4. Paris - Probably the first globe I bought after admitting that I was a snow globe collector. Manages to achieve everything a cheap snow globe should. A minimum of three major city landmarks - check. A vivid use of colour - check. A small red on white nameplate - check. White plastic flakes that manage to completely fail to capture the way that snow looks - check.

5. Niagara Falls - I think this may have been the last snow globe I received from my overseas pal. This one is particularly pleasing as I'd been to Niagara Falls during my stay in St. Louis. Despite the natural beauty of the falls themselves the town was the closest thing I've found to an English seaside resort outside of this country. The globe is a genuine work of art. I can't look at it long without chuckling. The falls could not be any less dynamic and the rainbow is gloriously lacking in colour.

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Top 5 Film Trilogies

This was quite a struggle. As soon as I started to list out possible contender's I realised there are very few examples where all three films are genuinely good. There were so many trilogies with two great films and a hokey third that I had to ease up on my quality control. I was also surprised to find how few trilogies were made before 1960. I was hoping to pick a decent collection of Ealing comedies (St. Trinian's came close) or a classic spy thriller (Bond was always intended as a series I think and the Harry Palmer films didn't quite cut it). In the end I settled for the trios below. Maybe not perfect but all films I've enjoyed and would, for the most part, happily watch again.

1. Star Wars Original Trilogy - I'm undoubtedly biased in my opinion about how good the first three Star Wars movies are. I was 8 or 9 when the first film came out and it invaded my imagination. Empire was and is the best middle film ever made. A great movie in it's own right but it builds from first film's plot and sets up the final film in the same way those 1950s Flash Gordon TV shows used to. Return of the Jedi is the weak link in the pile. I've never quite accepted the Ewoks (they SHOULD have been Wookies!) but perhaps I being harsher than I need to be.

1. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)
Dir: George Lucas
2. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Dir: Irvin Kershner
3. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)
Dir: Richard Marquand

2. Three Colours Trilogy - This might be the closest you'll get to the perfect trilogy, though I appreciate they won't be everyone's cup of tea. I actually watched them specifically for this top five. That says more about my obsessive need to have a well balanced list than I really want to admit to but I'm glad that I did. All three have their own individual stories that only subtly intertwine, but there's a beauty about the cinematography and a consistency in the story telling that pulls them all together.

1. Three Colours: Blue (1993) Dir: Krzysztof Kieślowski
2. Three Colours: White (1994) Dir: Krzysztof Kieślowski
3. Three Colours: Red (1995) Dir: Krzysztof Kieślowski

3. The Dollars Trilogy (aka The Man with No Name Trilogy) - Sergio Leone made his name with this trio of Clint Eastwood films, and changed the shape of Westerns in the process. They still have a quality I find enticing. Very little happens in the form of plot or characterisation but you find yourself drawn into the story.

1. A Fistful of Dollars (1964) Dir: Sergio Leone
2. For a Few Dollars More (1965) Dir: Sergio Leone
3. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) Dir: Sergio Leone

4. The Godfather - Francis Ford Copella's "Godfather" trilogy is a prime example of the two classic films, one turkey anomaly I mentioned in the intro. I'd place both the first two films pretty high in my all time favourite movie list but the third fails to live up to the same standard. This was actually the first trilogy in my top five and then the first trilogy cut. But having recently re-watched the third part I decided that, whilst on it's own it is not a great watch, it isn't as bad as I first thought and successfully brings the story cycle to an appropriate close.

1. The Godfather (1972) Dir: Francis Ford Coppola
2. The Godfather part II (1974) Dir: Francis Ford Coppola
3. The Godfather part III (1990) Dir: Francis Ford Coppola

5. Mad Max Trilogy - Probably at fault for inflicting Mel Gibson on the world but, for me, the most consistent of the sci-fi trilogies I grew up with (Alien, Predator, Terminator). The first film is a glorious low budget cult classic and definitely my favourite of the series. The second movie benefits from a bigger budget but still retains the look and feel of the first. The third maybe gets a little carried away with the additional funding generated by the second but just about maintains the quality.

1. Mad Max (1979) Dir: George Miller
2. Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) Dir: George Miller
3. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) Dir: George Miller & George Ogilvie

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Top 5 Drummers who also Sang

Watching the recent BBC coverage of Glastonbury I was enjoying Primal Scream playing their Screamadelica album and got to pondering how many other drummers had gone on to be better known for doing something else. Having racked my brains for all of ten minutes I could only think of drummers who became singers. I'm not sure why this is but there's enough examples to suggest most drummers secretly harbour the desire to be the front person in the band. Let's see if I can get through this without mentioning Phil Collins.

1. Bobby Gillespie - I'm not a very cool person. On a scale of 1 to 11 I'd be struggling to make 1, Bobby Gillespie is off the scale. Not satisfied with playing drums on "Psychocandy" the seminal debut album from the Jesus & Mary Chain he was also vocalist and main man in Primal Scream. Prior to this success he also briefly roadied for Altered Images. I am extremely jealous of his career choices. To be honest I'd have been satisfied carrying Clare Grogan's maracas around.

2. Karen Carpenter - My Mum & Dad's record collection was chock full of Carpenter's albums so I grew up with their melodic but slightly syrupy sound. I love them though. I think some of those tunes are just ingrained in my psyche and Karen's voice is truly beautiful. I love the fact that she considered herself a drummer who sang. People who have greater musical understanding than I do have suggested she was an excellent drummer too. A sad loss but her star shone brightly whilst she was here.

3. Dave Grohl - Nicest man in rock. You don't need me to tell you but Grohl ensured his place in the history of rock by playing drums with Nirvana. He then went on to form Foo Fighters, another multi-million selling rock behemoth, with whom he played guitar and sand lead vocal. Dave can pretty much do what the hell he wants and has also been seen on the drum stool for Queens of the Stone Age, Them Crooked Vultures and thrash metal tribute Probot.

4. Calum Gunn & John Baille Jr - Two people but for the purpose of this post one entity. Calum & John started out alternating between drumming & lead vocal duties for the fight pop noise of Dananananaykroyd but as the gigs inevitably careered towards friendly chaos they'd end up both at the front of the stage. This led to them recruiting another drummer (Paul) to get on with the job of keeping time whilst John & Calum do what they do best in getting the audience to have a ball and cuddle each other.

5. Andy Sturmer - Lead vocalist and drummer with US power pop combo Jellyfish, Sturmer was also the bands main songwriter. Jellyfish were all about Beatles inspired harmonies and everyone in the band contributed. Sturmer was the main man though and played a stand-up drum kit at the front of the stage rather than be relegated to the shadows. After Jellyfish split he became involved in production and wrote a number of theme tunes for Cartoon Network including brilliant catchy efforts for Ben 10 and The Teen Titans.

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Guest Top 5 - My Top five ideas for Chop’s Top Fives that so far haven’t made the cut by 5olly

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Not content with wasting my own life by formulating top fives at every opportunity it seems I've started to spread the addiction. I can only apologise.

Here's 5olly again with his continuing efforts to post a proper top five (originally posted here).

A recent addition to my already overwhelmed RSS feed and Twitter stream, Chop’s Top Fives has suddenly and puzzlingly ruined my stream of consciousness. Possibly for good… The blog is pretty much a basic idea, it’s simply write a Top 5 list. Easy! I hear you cry! Except it’s not, you can write about anything, absolutely anything, but what should I write about?

I’ve turned into a complete list addict. To compound it all Chop (or Dave Harris as he is more commonly known) has actually already added a Top 5 created by myself, and invited me to do some more, which I find utterly bemusing. If you read my post, there are grammatical errors, it doesn’t ‘read well’, and it’s basically the result of writing in a hurry, whilst hungover and wishing for a cup of tea and ciggie. All of this is mentioned, but possibly not clearly enough. I’m embarrassed by it, which makes me only want to do some more, only this time I’d like to do it proper like, you know?

Which leads on to my next problem. What on earth should I write about? I want each post to be informative, interesting and hopefully funny. And as some of my friends know, there have been several discussions in various public houses for topics and here are the Top 5 list which for some reason don’t quite cut it in my opinion. I should add that they might not necessarily be my own. Or any good.

1. Top 5 people I know or have met called Dave Harris

Obviously this one was never going to work, mainly cos I’ve only ever known 3 different people called Dave Harris, which is a crying shame as I had a marvellous story about a Dave Harris at work who had a cat he wanted me to have called Comet. He also collected meteorites and had a funny voice.

2. Top 5 diseases

This one was going to be a winner when it was discussed in the pub. Mainly because we had an actual real live doctor in our group! I remember coming up with Ebola but all the other diseases that were discussed have disappeared from my mind. I blame booze. If anyone can remember what they all were then leave a comment.

3. Top 5 male celebrities who wore hair-pieces

I don’t remember why this popped into my head, but it did make for an enjoyable walk into work. I originally proposed it to be just British celebrities and drew up a list. Paul Daniels, Bruce Forsyth, Elton John and Terry Wogan. I needed a 5th one! After a brief discussion in the office it was brought to my attention that Terry Wogan wasn’t British and Elton John has always claimed that he had a hair transplant and never wore a wig to disguise his baldness. Damn. So I had 3.

I decided then that I might go for an international cast. Who could I add? Andre Agassi of course! He might possibly be one of the most successful wig wearers ever! Not only did he hide the fact for years, he did it with quite possibly the most outlandish mullet in sports history, and he even sprinted and dived around a tennis court at the same time. The man was a genius. How about Phil Spector! That man had some amazing wigs, but after a little googling I found out to my dismay that he wore wigs to disguise some massive scarring he received after a car crash. He wasn’t wearing wigs for vanity. It wasn’t funny anymore. The idea was scrapped.

4. Top 5 vegetables I am growing

Easy this one. Not. I started thinking about all the different beans I’ve been growing, the potatoes and the onions and shallots. The curcurbits are going mental and the corn is starting to grow ears. The radishes are forming seed pods to pickle and the cabbages are hearting up nicely. But hang on, I haven’t eaten any yet. How could I do a Top 5 without actually eating them? I could do spinach, but that just tastes like spinach. I could do blackberries but then I haven’t really done anything to grow them, they just grow wild up there. So no I’m unable to do this one yet, maybe in the autumn.

5. Top 5 songs I have had stuck in my head this week

I thought this one would be a doddle. All I had to do was make a note of every song after I realised it was stuck in my head and then write about my favourite ones. Easy. Except I don’t think I had an earworm this week at all. There was the one about the chicken, but that’s always stuck in my head…

So there you have it, another failure in the world of Chop’s Top Fives!

Micro Five - Readers Recommend Debut releases

Argh! School summer holidays and suddenly I don't have much time to knock up a proper top 5. Here's a half-hearted attempt to plug the gap with five debut releases I suggested for the Guardian's Reader's Recommend topic a few weeks back.

You need to get in early so nominations for "Suspect Device" by Stiff Little Fingers (I love SLF but I still think it's the best thing they ever did), "Blitzkreig Bop" by the Ramones and "Market Square Heroes" by Marillion had already been nabbed.

1. The Sonics "The Witch" - I'm on a one man crusade to make The Sonics more greatly appreciated. This was their debut single originally released in 1964 but then re-released backed with the equally brilliant "Psycho" as their second single in 1965. The Sonics were punk before their time, an undoubted influence on The Stooges and probably countless Garage Punk bands since. I don't have first hand experience of this release (I was born 4 years later) but discovered the band about 10 years ago via the amazing Ace records compilation "Pyscho-Sonic". Go and buy it now!

The Sonics "The Witch"

2. Dananananaykroyd "Totally Bone" - The video is a live version from a particularly wild gig at Hoxton Bar & Grill in 2009. I smashed my glasses to smithereens jumping along to them that night. The 'naykroyd are all about the live show. The most fun you can have with your clothes on. Totally Bone was their debut release from way back in something like 2005 when they were still just one of those bands you'd read about on Drowned In Sound. As the NME said they're "Like Shellac playing S Club 7 songs with the fun factor turned up to 11".

Dananananaykroyd "Totally Bone"

3. Brakes "Pick Up The Phone" - Brakes debut single which featured this song clocking in at 26 seconds, "Cheney" clocking in at 10 seconds and the epic "I Can't Stand to Stand Beside You" which breaks the 3 minute mark just to give you some value for your money. Brakes were formed to provide a platform for Eamonn Martin's acerbic songwriting skills. Formerly the keyboard player with British Sea Power he was backed by Thomas & Alex from Electric Soft Parade and Marc from Tenderfoot which gave the impression this was some sort of Indie supergroup. This first blast of Brakes nailed the band's raison d'etre. Fun times playing catchy tunes with socially aware lyrics. "Pick Up The Phone" is a call for the leaders of the world to sort out their differences by talking.

Brakes "Pick Up The Phone"

4. Godspeed You Black Emperor "F♯ A♯ ∞" - First proper album from GYBE (there was a cassette album released a few years earlier but with only 33 copies made I don't think that really counts). I knew very little about them when I first picked this up. All I'd seen were fuzzy photos in the NME and some intriguing reviews. Not music for people who need a tune they can hum, the three tracks on "F♯ A♯ ∞" are sparse and drawn out. The soundtrack to an apocalypse and therefore not surprisingly used as music for the film "28 Days Later".

Godspeed You Black Emperor "Dead Flag Blues"

5. Arcade Fire "Arcade Fire E.P." - Another band I knew by reputation long before I actually heard their music. The E.P. features the original version of long standing fan favourite "No Cars Go" as well as 6 other tracks of majestic brilliance.

Arcade Fire "No Cars Go"

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Guest Top 5 - Sofa Woes by 5olly

I think 5olly is the funniest person on the internet. He tells me he's not being funny it's just true. Either way 5olly makes me laugh. His blog i'm still 5olly on the block is currently focused on watching the Channel 4 Top 100 War Movies and then blogging about them. This generally includes quite a bit of complaining about the lack of tanks. And swearing. It's funny and you should definitely read it.

5olly also suggested I needed a Submit Button to make contributing guest top fives more easy. He's right and whilst I didn't manage to create a funky button I have now added a Submit Top 5 link. It's over there ---> and down a bit.

Top 5 Reasons why I should get up off this sofa right now and NOT write this post.

1. Homebase sells shit

It's 8.10am. In 80 minutes I need to leave the house and walk to Homebase to buy some shit. Not any old shit, oh no. I need to buy horse shit. Obviously Homebase don't sell shit in small, easily carried bags so I have to meet my mate Mudrock. He is very special for two reasons. Firstly Mudrock is my fellow Co-Worker on the Allotment. Secondly he has a car. You can get a lot of of shit in a car especially if it's an estate. It is.

2. I need a cigarette

Many moons ago in my disgusting early-adulthood I would've gently leant over the side of my futon, being fully aware that one sharp move could induce a painful headache and then rummaged through my jeans pockets to find my roll-ups. Then I would've carefully rolled my own cigarette, ignoring my shaky hands. I was desperate for my fix. After a 4 minute search between the empty beer cans I would have discovered my lighter and gently inhaled those toxic fumes. These days I can't even be arsed to get up and go outside and smoke. And I have to get up and go outside. Now I'm an adult I have no choice. But with wisdom comes laziness.

3. I'm not dressed

Well technically I am dressed. I am in fact wearing my beautiful grey towelling robe. It's old and it's worn. It's not as fluffy and soft as it once was and due to wear and tear it seems to have a habit of coming undone. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind it falling open unexpectedly for all to see. (@Betsymartian wouldn't argue. She's seen Mr Winky before) but we're not alone. @Slinkywhite is in the room. I don't think she would be as impressed. If it happened, dread the thought. She'd probably want to move out...

4. I need to water the garden

Due to arriving home from work slightly last night after a few beers en-route, I avoided my daily task of watering my garden. I'm quite proud of my little garden in a Percy Thrower kind of way. It only looks good from two angles mind. The first is from the upstairs back window, the second angle is from the broken plastic chair on the patio. That's my favourite view. So yeah, if I want it to live I'd best get watering. Here's a photo.

5. Tea

I really need a cup of tea. I'm rubbish without tea. I've already had one cup but I need another, and now I haven't got much time before I need to get dressed, smoke a ciggie and water the garden before walking all the way to Homebase to buy some shit. Not any old shit. Some horse shit. And once that's done i'm off to the allotment to dig up some potatoes and then dig in some more shit and plant some more potatoes. Then I have to pick some gooseberries, collect some shallots and thin out some swedes and parsnips. All the time i'll be doing this I won't have the opportunity to drink any tea. There will be coffee but it's not tea, and I much prefer tea. I really need a cuppa. I'd best get off this sofa then... I haven't much time.

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